Dreaming about your ex : how to interpret this dream ?

Summary of the definition

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A large majority of the experiences we have are reflected in our dreams in one way or another. Our relationships are also part of the way our dreams are made.

It is not surprising to see the person we are dating in our dreams and even the person we broke up with. Dreaming about an ex happens more often than you think and it affects both men and women.

Depending on how things ended and the quality of the relationship, these dreams can have different meanings. Sometimes these dreams can even be disturbing to us while we are in a relationship.

Why do we dream about our exes?

Relationships, good or bad, can be very important in our lives. If the best one is supposed to last a lifetime, it is often preceded by relationships without any results.

All these relationships have necessarily had an impact on our conscious part, but also our unconscious part. Our unconscious is not easily accessible, but it often manifests itself through our dreams.

A large proportion of these dreams have a meaning and can mean many things. Dreaming about an ex is not something to be taken lightly, whether the relationship lasted a few months or several years, it has inevitably left its mark.

It is these traces that are often at the origin of the interpretation of these dreams. The reasons why we dream about our exes are diverse and varied. But before being able to know them, it is necessary to know how to decipher the dream.

How to interpret his dream?

Having a dream about an ex is not as harmless as you might think, especially if it is repeated. Having this dream can have several meanings. It also depends on the context in which we dreamed of this person and what we saw.

Dreams originate in our subconscious and are mostly coded. The purpose of dream interpretation is to take the coded message that it represents and decode it through interpretations.

To give a good interpretation to the dream, we must be careful:

• The feelings you have for the ex in question ;
• the way the relationship ended ;
• to the bad things that have been done or the betrayals that have been committed.

From this information, it is possible for us to give an explanation to the dreams we have had. It is very common to forget many details just a few hours after waking up.

That's why it is recommended to write everything down in a notebook when you wake up. Nothing should be left to chance. The more details the better. Be careful not to neglect the words and all the dialogues we heard.

With these notes, we can find commonalities in all of our dreams, which will help tremendously in the interpretation. If the relationship has been tumultuous with this person and we associate it with stress, it is time to pay attention to the events that cause stress in our lives. We can apply this rule to any other concern we face in daily life.

The ex can represent a symbol

Having a dream about an ex doesn't necessarily mean that it is about him or her. Dreams often need interpretations precisely because their message is not clear most of the time.

In case we dream about our exes very often, we should pay attention to the emotions we felt in the dream and the things that are repeated.

We always associate particular memories and emotions with our exes, whether they are good or bad. It is all these elements associated with our ex that are most important in the interpretation of the dream, especially if it is a very old relationship.

If the relationship was toxic, it is possible that it is the unconscious mind that seeks to draw our attention to possible similarities. This may well be a protective mechanism to avoid suffering with our current partner.

Dreaming about your ex according to psychoanalysis

Ever since the world began, human beings have been trying to find explanations for the dreams they had. Since then, many explanations have been given to make sense of these symbols.

Even religion has tried to offer explanations for all those things we see during our sleep. It is therefore not surprising that psychology and psychoanalysis have looked into the subject.

However, it is a theme that has been explored by different specialists and they have different theories on the subject. Old loves represent something very important in psychoanalysis. That's why Freud and Jung tried to give a meaning to dreams related to exes.

Freud's interpretation

For Freud, dreaming about an ex is not only a question of nostalgia or even feelings towards the ex, it is above all a desire to return to the past. In this case, the ex symbolizes a past to which we seek to return.

Freud goes even further by suggesting that having this kind of dream has a relationship with childhood. The vision of one's ex in one's dream may represent in this case oedipal questions related to the mother or the father. According to Freud, the ex can indeed represent the parent in a certain way.

Jung's interpretation

Jung's interpretation is very different from Freud's, but some similarities are to be noted. The ex represents our past, but also the Persona. Jung defines the Persona as the social part of the psyche and more specifically its organization.

The Persona is in fact the character we play when we are in contact with other people. It is above all the image that we wish to project in order to control the way others perceive us.

The Persona serves as a defense mechanism to protect our deepest emotions. Our "I" uses the Persona to avoid being perceived as we really are. Dreaming about an ex is, according to Jung, a way of rejecting the present and the risk-taking that goes with it. It is essentially to return to sensations and emotions already known.

What does it mean to dream about your ex a few months after the breakup?

The times we experience right after a breakup are times when we are particularly vulnerable. Our brains have not yet adjusted to not getting their daily dose of oxytocin. This is the main reason why returning to singlehood can be difficult for some. Not all relationships are made to last and the break-up can be experienced as a mourning. That's why, before moving on, you may frequently dream about your ex right after the breakup.

The presence of that person is still fresh in the memory and this is reflected in the dreams we have. For example, having a dream that your ex is dead does not mean that it will happen or that you want it to happen, it is just a way of mourning the relationship.

As for the dreams where the ex is more pleasant and no longer has the defect that used to make us angry, this represents what our brain idealizes about that person.

Recovering from a bad experience

Relationships are not always healthy. Very often people experience abuse and violence from their partners. This violence can be both physical and verbal, especially if it is violence that leaves its mark.

Infidelity is also a factor that can have negative consequences on a relationship. In fact, it often leads to a breakup. Once we have managed to get out of this situation, it is not uncommon to often see his ex in his dreams.

This is usually a sign that all the negative emotions from the relationship have not yet dissipated. Sometimes an event can remind us of all the problems we had with that person.

There is a high probability that this will come back in our dreams. In the case where we dream that everything is fine with the ex in question, it indicates that we have moved on. The pain of the past no longer has an impact on us and we are somehow healed.

We miss our ex and want to get back together

It is not always easy to go through a breakup, especially if we did not choose it. The desire to get back together with your ex is all the stronger because we did not make the decision to end the relationship.

We can feel an immense lack

The fact that we frequently think about something or someone can be reflected in our dreams. A breakup that you didn't choose can be very hard on you and that's one explanation for all the times you dream about your ex. The good news is that it won't last forever. There will come a time when our ex will stop appearing.

Need to close the chapter

Sometimes things end badly with a person. It also happens that some people decide to disappear instead of giving explanations. As a result, it is not possible to know the real reason for the breakup.

Being ghosted can have very negative consequences on a person and can lead to rumination. In this case, dreaming about one's ex is simply a matter of wanting answers. It reflects a desire to know exactly why the relationship ended so abruptly.

Wanting to close the chapter with your ex is simply due to a lack of clarity at the time of the breakup. If your intuition tells you that the origin of the breakup is different, then you will want to discuss it with your ex.

It is important to point out that frequency is very important when interpreting dreams. Dreaming about your ex once is not significant enough. It must be repeated several times to pay attention.

We feel remorse about the relationship

In breakup cases, we are not always the good guys. When our relationship ended due to infidelity or betrayal, it's not uncommon to see your ex often in your dreams.

This is often a sign of great guilt and the desire to make amends. For others, it will be a great deal of regret about the way the relationship ended. It is perfectly normal to want to be on good terms with an ex.

Sometimes, such an abrupt breakup can lead to a very strong desire to get back together with the person we cheated on. These kinds of dreams may even persist long after the breakup. Having these dreams frequently may be a sign that it is time to ask for forgiveness. It doesn't cost anything and can help both parties move on.

Dreaming about your ex while you are in a relationship

Frequent dreams about an ex are not just for single people. It can happen that we dream of an ex while we are in a relationship. Again, this is not a trivial thing either, since dreaming about an ex can have several possible meanings.

This may reflect:

• A certain nostalgia for the relationship ;
• a lack in the current relationship ;
• lingering feelings for the former partner ;
• the unconscious seeks to warn us of something.

Depending on the situation of your current relationship, you should interpret these dreams in different ways. The most important thing is not to draw a hasty conclusion at the risk of compromising your relationship with your partner. It is important to analyze the situation and the dream in question before making up your mind.

A desire to return to the past

Exes very often represent the past in dreams. Whether distant or close, the period during which we dated that person can be a source of nostalgia in the future.

Nostalgia often causes us to idealize the past and the things we had back then. Exes can seem like much better people years after the breakup. We may also feel nostalgic for their qualities and what they brought to our lives.

When we are in a relationship, this nostalgia can be quite dangerous. We must remember that relationships always end for a reason and that idealizing a person is never a good thing.

We all have flaws and we must always remember that the ex we are dreaming of right now, probably had flaws that made him or her difficult to live with.

What can be missing in a relationship?

No relationship is perfect. Our needs are not necessarily being met by our current partner and this can put a strain on the relationship. Dreaming about our ex under these circumstances is just evidence that something is missing in our relationship.

Especially if our partner refuses or is unable to meet our needs. Whether they are emotional or sexual, these needs have likely been met by this particular ex.

That's why we can see him in our dreams and in these kinds of situations. It would be tempting to get back together with this person, even if everything is going well with their partner.

The best solution is to talk about what is bothering you with the person in your life. Communication is the best way to find a solution to the problem.

We still have feelings for this person

The fear of loneliness and celibacy is a very common fear. It happens that some people move from one relationship to another before they have digested the breakup. In this case, dreaming about your ex while you are in a relationship simply means that you still have feelings for that person.

If we don't talk about it during the day and don't allow ourselves to think about it, it will be reflected in our dreams. This indicates that we have not yet moved on. With the idealization we may feel after a breakup, it's not going to make things any better.

Having these kinds of dreams simply means taking a step back and remembering the reasons that led to the breakup with your ex.

This will make it easier to move on and, most importantly, it will be more honest with the person we are dating. If the person we are dating is there just to fill a void, it is best to let them go.

Dreaming about our ex is a signal from our unconscious

Dreaming about an ex while we are in a relationship does not necessarily mean that we still have feelings for this person. It is therefore not necessary to conclude that we still love our ex.

As we said before, dreaming about an ex can represent something else. Our unconscious mind often acts to protect us from experiences we have already lived in the past. This is why it can make us see a toxic ex in a dream when we are at high risk of falling back into the same pattern.

At the beginning of a relationship, it is very easy to ignore the person's flaws as well as the bad signs. To make sure we don't fall back into the same situation, we can dream about an ex who tended to hurt us.

What are the most common dreams?

Dreaming about a person with whom you had a relationship can manifest itself in different ways. Dreams that include an ex can be beautiful or very unpleasant. The most common scenarios are:

• The ex is in a relationship or is getting married to another person ;
• that the ex came back right after the breakup ;
• having sex with his or her ex.

In the case that the ex is in a relationship or married to someone else, it can either mean that we have moved on or that we are jealous. If in the dream we totally accept the fact that our ex is in a relationship, it just means that we no longer have any feelings towards him.

Otherwise, if we feel a hint of jealousy, we will have to analyze the reason for this feeling. It could be that we are still too focused on our ex or that we still have feelings for this person. If the ex comes back in a dream, it can mean one of two things, either we want to get back together with that person, or we want to make them feel guilty.

Sometimes it is painful to forget someone who has betrayed us when they have shown no sign of remorse. This desire to see a minimum of guilt on the part of your ex is quite normal and can be expressed through a dream.

Finally, dreaming about sex with an ex may mean that we are feeling nostalgic about our relationship with that person. Again, this can be explained by our constant desire to gravitate towards something familiar.

If we are single, it may mean that we miss the ex in question. If we are in a relationship and the relationship is not satisfactory, dreaming about the ex is just a way for the unconscious mind to remind us of what we miss in the relationship.